I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize