so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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