He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
