im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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