I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
