I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
