TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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