I'm going to jail i love you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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