I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do herpes really smell.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
