never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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