Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
