Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
