Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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