i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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