Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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