WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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