he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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