So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
