the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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