I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
