I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
