I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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