it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
