What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
