My sheets look like a crime scene.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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