it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
