Cold hands, warm shart.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
