Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
