yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this just has baby written all over it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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