It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
