Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize