Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
