i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
