I'm lost and stupid without you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
