It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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