Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
