ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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