my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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