What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
