hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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