just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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