he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
