just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
