Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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