Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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