I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
