We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
