I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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