I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
