currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
