I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
