he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
