youre lurking in front of me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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