Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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