I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My dick has a subreddit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
