11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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