I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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