Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
