She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
