I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
