the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
