So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
