You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
