Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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