i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
