Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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