We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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