you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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