***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
