Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
