SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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