I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
